how can you be so nervous & so excited at the same time

Well I am hopefully writing you on the last day of my not pregnant life.......tomorrow is our embryo transfer. Right now I am SO nervous. But I will back up a bit.......

I went in Sept 11th for my egg retrival, it did not go as good as I would have hoped, but it wasnt a total bust ethier. I got there and got prepped and waited on the Doc. Finally we went back, and I got the good drugs, I was loopy, but I could kindof hear my Docs and nurses talking. Cecil was in there with me. SO if you remeber the end of last week I had a 15 eggs, well we could only get to 8 of them at the retrival, some of them where just empty, which meant there was no egg growing, and I guess my left ovary is kindof tilted which made it hard to get to some. I was hoping for 10, but was happy with 8.

We were extactic the next morning when they called and said of the 8, 6 had fertilized! Which meant we were going to put 2 back and freeze 4. Well the next report on Monday, wasnt as good. We are now down to 2 embryos, she said they are almost perfect but of the other 4, 1 just stopped growing and three are not growing like they should. SO SAD! Yet so thankful 2 of our little guys are still hanging on. There is a slight chance some of the 3 that are behind could catch up, so we are really praying maybe one of 2 of them have a growth spurt!

So I havent heard anything about them since Monday, it has been miserable...they try not to disturb them in their environment because one wrong thing can be a disaster. So yesterday and today, I have been a wreck...I want to know if the two strong ones are still growing and how they are looking? I want to know if any of the other 3 have shown any signs of being viable??? Its a nightmare not knowing.......Please keep them in your prayers, there are so many things that can go wrong, they are SO fragile.

Tomorrow is the BIG day, hopefully the 2 strong ones are still looking strong and if so they will be implanted at 1:00pm tomorrow. I am going to an accuputunre appt before the transfer, it is supposed to help with implantation. The next 2 days I will be on bed rest. I rented some movies and are good to go.

I know I have said it a 1,000 x's but the support we have recieved has been unreal..........if I am having a bad day, I know I can be lifted up just by comments and prayers from you guys.

It is in God's hands and I am leaving it that way. He has a plan for us and if these 2 little embryos are supposed to implant they will.

Fear Not. Just Trust. I will not fail you.
Go forward fearlessly
Trust and be not afraid
Rest in my certainty
rely on me
Let Go and Let Go

...............................the greater the fight, the greater the victory......................................

In the Home Stretch

Well Cecil and I went for my 3rd ultra sound and blood draw of the long weekend, poor nurses having to work their entire labor day weekend. I felt bad. But my E2 level today was 1440, which is getting up there. Not in the scary zone yet.....on the other hand, it means I am producing those eggs, and I am producing well. And I only have to do 2 of my shots tonight instead of 3! As of today my nurse, measured 15 little eggs! I have reached my goal. Now just because there are 15 in there, doesnt mean during the retrival the DR will beable to get them all out. We hope he can get as many out as possible, but he will not beable to find all of them. (Last IVF, I had 16 eggs and they only got 7 out at the retrival) We are hoping for at least 10 on retrival day. The next few days I have to take it very easy and push gatorade and fluids. I DO NOT want to get OHHS, which means I have overstimulated and could be cancelled.

The next 3 days will be very uncomfortable. I am VERY bloated, no longer able to fit into anything besides sweats and dresses. This week alone I have but on 7.5 pounds...so its a big change to my body. But it looks like FRIDAY Sept 11th is the big day, the retrival, I know what a day right, but I actually feel good about it. For one its my moms birthday and I know its Sept 11th, but I feel almost like everyone who tragically lost their life on that day will be looking down on us trying to bring a new life into this world. And my sister, will actually be in town for a wedding, so she will be here too.

Well I will update on Wednesday, I got back for another ultra sound and blood draw. Please keep our little guys in your prayers that they continue to grow.
xoxo Kari

Update.....

Well I know I have used this picture before, but I wanted to use it again because I have

officially started on all these medicines and shots. I am on day 4 of my stim meds.

(Which we want to help me produce tons of eggs, the more the better) We are hoping

for between 15-20 eggs. I am doing 3 shots a night, Lupron 5 units, Menopur 75 units, and Follistim 100 units. The Lupron and Follistim are easy peasy, Menopur NOT SO MUCH.

Menopur is fine sticking the needle in, but when Cecil started to push the medicine in, Im not going to lie, it burns so bad, it feels like someone is taking a pocket knife and stabbing me in the belly. Fun Right?? I am also taking 3 other pills a day, just to keep my risk of infection down.

I went in yesterday for my first blood draw. My estrogen level was a 328, which is good. I AM PRODUCING EGGS! That is the first hurdle. My levels were actually a little high, which is a good and bad thing, it means I am porducing great, but I dont want o over produce because you can overstimulate and it can cancel your cycle and make you very, very sick. So there is a fine line there and we dont want to cross it. So they knocked my Follistim shot from 100 units to 75 units per night. I go back to the doctor every other day now for an ultrasound and bloodwork. We will do this until they consider the eggs mature. So I will go back tomorrow (Saturday) at 7:15 to see the little guys on the ultra sound. I am feeling, well I will say OKAY, not great but not super bad. I have my moments where I feel really, really sick. Its about 12 hours after my shots. I am having trouble sleeping because I am unformtable and my hot flashes are getting worse. The thing about stimming meds is they make you really, really bloated in the tummy, because your body is not used to producing so many eggs....and my ovaries feel like they weight 500 pounds each. So it gets very unformtable and the more meds I put into my body, the worse it gets...so I will let you know next week how I feel. :) The longest I could take these stims is one more week, but I will proably go before that since I am repsonding good to the medicines. I am trying to creat a great place for the eggs to grow and flourish right now. So no exercise, no pop, no junk food (I have slipped a few times) no lifting anything.

In other news, V-ball season is in full swing. We are struggling a bit this year, hopefully we will pick it up. I love the girls though and enjoy coaching them.

House news, well its kindof taking a back burner to IVF right now. So its not moving a long quite as fast as it was, but thats fine, we knew and prepared for this. Now we are hoping to be all done and moved in my Nov 1st. Right now electrical is still going on, drywall in our kitchen and this weekend will be starting on the master bath and walk in closet addition.

And Cecil and I are going to the first Notre Dame football game tomorrow, we are in the first rom and SO excited. We are huge fans, its just a great atomsphere up there and we love it!

Well thats all for now, I will be updating a lot the next few weeks because we are in the home stretch! I really, really appreciate all the support and I dont know what I would do with out it. Please keep up all the prayers, we are in no means out of the woods yet, there are still a million things to go wrong. But I feel really calm and I feel Gods presence on our side this time.

Everyone have a great Labor Day!

xoxo-kari

IVF Update

So as most of you know, I got pushed back a month on our IVF. I had a huge cyst that just would not go away. I went in on August 18th and got in drained. That was an experience in itself. The procedure took all of 10 mins. It was in the surgery center. I got an IV put in and got taken back, then asked if I wanted to be put unders. I said no. So I did it without meds. I dont know if I would do it again with out meds....:) even though it was only 10 mins, well I will put it this way, IT SUCKED! But the cool thing is that I got to watch it on the ultrasound machine, I watched it be penetrated and then all the fluid sucked out till it was gone. I could even hear the fluid from the cyst coming out and dripping in a pan. Sorry if thats to much info. The funny thing is, when the fluid hits the pan it makes a sound like a bird chirping, so the doctor knows by the sound that the fluid is coming out so he doesnt have to look down and can keep his eye on the ultra sound...so here I am in stirups, about ready to kill someone because it hurts so bad, and then I get to listen to birds chirping as the fluid from my cyst hits a metal pan............oh my life experiences already and Im only 25!!!!

The good news I got that day is that my estrogen levels droped from 77 to 18, and they will not contuine with anything that is over a 50, so we are moving on to SEPTEMBER IVF!!!!

Right now I am still doing a shot everynight of Lupron, but we went from 20 units a night, to know 5, which is better. I am having trouble with the shots for some reason though, never have before. Its almost like my skin is so tough, that Cecil reall has to shove the needle in. We will get through it though. I am having a few side effects but not to many.....I am having some pretty killer hot flashes.....I always go to bed with clothes on and wake up with none. LOL....the weather cooling down has helped. I also get what they call lupron cramps, which is like deep cramps...but those come and do and arent to bad. I can be moody sometimes, and Cecil is doing very well with it. He can tell insantly if I am in a bad mood, and then he just kills me with kindness. Poor Guy. But then when I feel better, we just laugh about the ridiculous stuff that I got mad about. Like I have said before, I could not imagine going through all of this without him or with someone else. We are a great team!

So I have one more week to work on the house and to get somethings done. I start the really important shots on Monday Aug 31st. So then no exercise (besides walking) and no working on the house.....I will be producing tons and tons (hopefully) of eggs and you have to make sure they are keep in a great environment so they can grow. So no chemicals, lifting of anything, no pop (which I dont drink anyways) no junk food.

Then I go to the doctor on Sept 3rd, thats when they start montioring the growth of all my eggs and telll me how many are growing on each ovary. Then I go to the doctor everyother day, until they determine my eggs are "mature" by bloodwork and ultrasounds......then is retrival and then transfer.

My estimated transfer date is Sept 12th! Thats the big day. The day my already fertilized babies get put back into my body to attach and grow for the next 9 months.

Please keep us in your prayers, we are entering the home stretch and will really need to the support and prayers!

Thank you guys for everything!

XOXO Kari

PROGRESS REPORT

LOOKING FROM DINING ROOM INTO LIVING ROOM

OUR OFFICE

LIVING ROOM INTO ENTRY

DINING ROOM WINDOW SEAT

FRONT WINDOWS

FRONT OF APARTMENT/INLAW QUARTERS

BEFORE FRONT OF APARTMENT

BACK OF THE HOUSE, SOON WILL HAVE A COVERED DECK HERE

BACK OF THE HOUSE BEFORE

SIDE PATIO

WELL WE HAVE OFFICALLY OWNED THE HOUSE FOR 2 MONTHS. WE HAVE GOTTEN ALL NEW WINDOWS PUT IN, A PRIVACY FENCE, NEW GARAGE DOORS, NEW SHUTTERS, ALL NEW PLUMBING, ALL NEW ELECTRICAL, EVERYTHING IS NEW IN THE APARTMENT. A LOT OF THE PAINTING IN THE MAIN HOUSE IS DONE. THIS WEEK IS DRYWALL IN OUR KITCHEN, 1/2 BATH, AND LAUNDRY ROOM. THEN WE WILL BE ADDING A MASTER BATH WITH TILE SHOWER AND A HUGE WALK IN CLOSET IN THE MASTER. THEN FLOORING WILL START GOING DOWN. AND THEN THE FUN OF PUTTING EVERYTHING TOGETHER BEGINS!!!! I WOULD SAY IN 2 MONTHS IT WILL BE DONE.

ON OTHER NEWS, V-BALL SEASON HAS BEGAN. WE HAVE A SCRIMMAGE THIS WEEK AND THEN OUR FIRST OFFICAL GAME IS NEXT MONDAY! THIS SUMMER FLEW BY.

I WILL BE TAKING 2 CLASSES IN THE FALL FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY. VERY WEIRD TO BE BACK IN COLLEGE BUT I AM EXCITED.

IN IVF NEWS, THINGS ARE NOT GOING AS SMOOTHLY AS WE WOULD LIKE. WE ARE GETTING BUMPED BACK 1 MONTH BECAUSE I HAVE A RATHER LARGE CYST ON MY LEFT SIDE. I GO BACK THIS FRIDAY FOR ANOTHER ULTRA SOUND TO CHECK THE SIZE OF THE CYST. IF IT DOESNT GO DOWN ON ITS OWN, MAY HAVE TO DO SURGERY. HOPEFULLY, IT WILL JUST LEAVE PEACEFULLY. I WAS KINDOF BUMMED AT FIRST BECAUSE I AM READY, I AM READY TO GET MY BIG FAT POSITIVE. BUT I KNOW ITS ALL IN GODS TIMING AND THERE IS A REASON THAT THIS IS NOT MY MONTH. HEY ITS ANOTHER FEW WEEKS TO GET MORE DONE AROUND THE HOUSE RIGHT? I AM STILL ON 20 UNIT SHOTS OF LUPRON A NIGHT. USUALLY I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THESE BUT THIS TIME THEY ARENT WANTING TO GO IN SO IT MAKES IT KINDOF A PAIN, BUT THE GREATER THE FIGHT THE GREATER THE VICTORY RIGHT!!!

OTHER THEN THAT, THINGS ARE GREAT. DOGS ARE GREAT. WORK IS GREAT FOR BOTH OF US. FAMILY IS GREAT.

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND PRAYERS. WE REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT. MAYBE IF WE JUST BOTHER GOD WITH SO MANY PRAYERS IT WILL WORK. :)

THINGS WILL START HAPPENING ON THE HOUSE FASTER NOW SO I WILL UPDATE SOONER NEXT TIME.

PEACE AND LOVE-KARI <3 <3 <3

Update

so not to brag or anything but I have been blessed with a flat tummy usually, this is how bloated I am already. That is the worse part, looking pregnant and not being pregnant, yet!




This is Cecil gettiny my shot ready (Sorry I cant figure out how to turn the pics)


Well as many of you know. We have started our IVF cycle. I started shots of Lupron shots in the stomach on Monday, and I do them all the way until next friday. At that point I go in for a baseline ultra sound to make sure my body is ready to start making those eggs. Then I start 2 more shots on top of the one I am already doing, these will produce tons of eggs!! So until next friday it will be the same thing, 1 shot every night. MY prenatal vitamin, DHEA, Vit D. I am also doing massage once a week right now, accupunture, fertility yoga, and fertility meditation, and of course many, many prayers!!!!

In other news, the house is coming along. We just got done doing all new electrical and plumbing. Right now drywall is going up.......I have painted the entry, living room, and dining room. I am doing a paint treatment in our master to look like very old barn wood on the walls, I got the idea from pottery barn, so we will see how that turns out. I almost have everything bought we need, I am still shopping for carpet, countertops, and slate for the master bedroom bathroom. Landscaping got done, that was a huge job. I will post some pics of that this weekend. I ordered all furniture and have redid a lot of old pieces, which sticks with my eco friendly theme. I have done reclamied and eco friendly floors, paint, kitchen cabinets. Next on the agenda is brand new high efficent heating and A/C.

Getting my 11th tattoo this weekend, I am geting a saying on my side its says
...the greater the fight, the greater the victory...... which I tell myself everyday right now. I will post pictures of that too.

Cecil and I are both going into our coaching seasons. Which means we are so BUSY. We have tryouts starting Monday and first practice is Friday and first game is the 12th, Crazy the summer is gone already, I cant believe it. Cecil will have games every friday night, I will have games a 3 times a week and Saturdays. And when I dont have games on Saturday, we will be heading to south bend for Notre Dame football games, which we Love to do.

Other then that we are loving each other and loving life, and getting through IVF. I want to thank everyone for their support, prayers, and love during this time. We really appreciate it more then you guys will know. This is such a hard process and knowing we have so much support out there makes it so much easier. So thank you from both of us.

Please keep up the prayers, we will really need them the next month.

xoxo Kari

IVF Time

Well here are the Money shots, all my medicines!!! Wow a lot more then last time, and I HATE taking any meds. This is not going to be fun at all. NOw just waiting on aunt flow to begin the process. For those of your following the next month and 1/2 will go something like this.

1. Period Starts, Start Lupron ( this is a shot in the belly, it pretty much shuts me down like menopause) It will make me very irratiable and moody, tired, and sick to my stomach. FUN Stuff! I will take that for a whopping 21 days.

2. Then I will begin Follistim (another shot) and Menopur (another shot) These meds are helping me produce several eggs (hopefully 15-20 eggs) Normal women produce 1-2, so these meds make me very bloated, I look pregnant. These meds will control when I ovulate. I have a written out schedule that I have to follow very carefully.

3. I take these meds for about 5 days and then I start going in for a daily ultrasound to watch my eggs develop until they are considered mature, so at this stage its day by day. I could go in one day and my Dr will say they are ready.....or if they are not ready, we just let them grow for another day. I will also have many blood tests during this time, they can tell how mature eggs are by the blood test, this is a very important part because if they take eggs to early or late, IVF will not work.

4.Then comes the egg retrieval. This is where the doctor surgically removes all the eggs. I am slightly sedated. This happens when they have determined my eggs are mature and ready, they the night before I do an HCG shot, this is WORST part of the whole thing. The needle is HUGE and its and oily substance, so it goes in very, very slow. Then I wake up and they tell me how many eggs I got, the more the better. ( last time only 7 :()

5. Then my eggs are taken directly into a lab and the embyologist mixes the egg and sperm. Fertlization then takes place (hopefully) and then they are monitored for 5 days 24 hours a day. These embryologists are pretty much making sure our babies stay alive during the first 5 days.

6. Then 5 days later is the embryo transfer. This is where 2 of our best embryos (they are graded by the way they divide) are transferred into my uterus. (any extra willbe froze for later use) This is done through a catheter and we are both in there and we can watch them just float down where they need to go on a tv, its really cool.

7. Then I go home and I am on strict bed rest for 3 days and this is the most crucial part, embryo implantation. This is what did not happen last time. So this is where your prayers and thoughts will really be needed. We need those embryos to implant and want to stay put with me for 9 months.

8. Then 2 weeks later I will go in for blood work to see if we are pregnant or not. I just felt it in my bones last time even before I took the test that it was negative, worst day of my life. This time is going to be different, I just know it.

Once again, I want to thank everyone for their support. The next 2 months will be very exciting, scary, and nerve wrecking.......but I know with support of you all, my husband, my family, and most of all God. We will be okay, and in less then a year I will be a mom!

xoxo-Kari