I have had a few emails lately with questions about my health or why it seems like something is always going on with me...haha because there is always something going on with me. SO I figured I would write on my blog about it and maybe see if there is anyone out there going through something similar. Almost 10 years ago, the first summer I was out of high school, I got very sick and ran through so many tests, saw so many doctors and got tested for everything under the sun...the results from all the testing is that I have an connective tissue disease.....which affects a lot of me and in a lot of ways. Going back to my sophmore year in high school I got mono super bad, missed like two months of school I think, just a bad illiness. It hit me hard. Well I guess I was so sick for so long that it somehow kind of "turned off" my pain sensors. So I am in some type of pain now 100% of the time. My joints also will swell up, mainly knee and fingers. It effects my skin, if you see me out and I have red patches mainly on my hands, chest, and cheeks...then you will know my body is in a flare up. At one point I was on about 8 medicines a day and I just told myself I dont want to have taken medicine every day for my feet to just hit the floor in the morning. So I slowly stopped taking everything except Lexapro. I take a small dose of that daily to help because my body doesnt produce a lot of sertoin, which basically keeps a person happy! Basically, everything I have had realtes back to this diease, my infertility, ovarina cyts, endometrosis, my fatigue, my gallbladder, my back pain.....my anxiety. Pretty much to sum it all up, things just effect me harder and longer then it should...like if someone has a virus and I get it, it will just hit me worse and for longer. I have a lot of issues with inflammation and scar tissue..hints the endometrosis.......my gallballder right now is inflammed so we are just taking it out..so one less thing to can be inflammed on my body.
When I was first told what was going on, and why I felt so bad all the time, and that there was nothing that would ever make it go away or stop my body from reacting the way it does. I was upset, I was depressed. It hindered me from a lot of things I wanted to do. I wanted to play volleyball in college and I couldnt, and so on and so on. But once I grew up a little bit, I thought I can ethier sit around and feel sorry for myself, or I can be greatful I dont have something terminal. There are so many more people fighting greater fights then I even think about. So I changed my life style. I started doing low impact exercise. Like yoga is my favorite. I am just not getting to the point where I can run for a little bit at a time, without being all swollen the next day. I changed the way I ate, I try to eat as healthy as I can. I dont eat red meat, I dont drink a lick of soda, I limit my sugar, and I really, really limit processed foods. I take natural supplements such as Vitamin D and fish oil. I see a chiropractor and a massage therapist. And honestly I have never felt better. I have great doctors that take care of me and support me not wanting to do the whole medicine route. I am so thankful that I have learned how to listen to my body and know when its had enough before I sent it into a major flare up.
I still do have my days...there are days when I struggle to even get out of bed. There are days when Quinn and I camp out all day and nap and watch Mouse. When I hurt so bad that its all I can do. It makes me feel horrible as a mother. I just have to tell myself I am just taking care of myself the best I can, so I can be the best mother I can. And those days are becoming less and less, which I am so greatful for. I am so lucky to have a family that supports me and helps me when needed. I am so greatful to have a husband that knows what I go through and when he comes homes somedays on my bad days and nothing has been touched all day. I dont get any slack about it, he just will start in on the stuff that needs done and then he will go pick up dinner. Hes amazing and I would struggle without him in my life.
I would love to return to school and do something medical, but I know deep down that I could never handle the 12 hour shifts or the schedules of the medical world. So that gets me upset sometimes, I dont ever want to think I cant do something, but the reality is that there are some things my body just cant do. So thats why in the past 10 years I tried working full time once, and my body just shut down, and I proably never will be able to work full time in my life. But I think I have found my calling and the perfect balance for me. I am currently in school, at a great little school in Bloomington to get my state certification in massage therapy. I want to help people like myself. And with the job, I can still contribute to my family, yet I can set a schedule that will work with my and my body. I am exctied about it, its holistic and very rewarding.
I am in no way doing this post to have people feel sorry for me, noone should, I have a great life. I have a great husband and son and family. I just wanted to explain my situation so people understand why there is yes always something going on with me it seems. And asking for prayers, I really need to decide (or we need to decide) if we want to try for another baby. My health really, really affects that choice. My doctor sat me down and looked straight in my eyes and said I know you dont want to hear this but in my opinion, I think you would have a lot of trouble keeping up with another baby. And I know shes right........its just so hard, I LOVE being a mom, its the greatest blessing in my life.....but I want to be the best mom I can, and maybe being a mom to just Quinn, is the best way for me to be the best mom I can. The sheer thought of IVFs, and needles, and ultrasounds, and bloodworks, and egg retreivals, embryos transers and 2 weekwaits...I just cant wrap my mind around it. Its so hard on my body and I have done it twice and I know I would be pushing it doing it again. And I would feel so much better ( or so I have been told) once I have a hysterectomy. Its just final. I know God will lead me in the right direction, I am just not 100% percent in which path I should be taking. So just pray that God leads me to the right path and I can be at peace with it.
Thank you all for listening...it was very theraputic and something really only my family has known about for the past 10 years.....